Friday, August 9, 2013
Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit--Dr. Henry Cloud
Reversing the Death Spiral of a Leader--
I'm the shrink that Bill told you about. The bad thing is not only am I a shrink at a leadership conference, I'm a Christian shrink. Hybels goes around the world and tells people I'm his shrink, so obviously I'm not very good.
When I got my first job I was hired at a leadership consulting firm. You step into that space from 'here' to 'there' and it's you on that path. You get out there and it's you that has to do it. I fell in love with leadership as I listened to CEOs talk about the struggles of implementing what they learned about leadership.
Here's why I love it. As leaders you are people who take charge and do stuff. Leaders don't blame; they take the stewardship and exert their energy in that space to lead people and take ownership of that. Leaders take ownership of difficult people problems.
(Tells of a man who owned a successful factory and is grooming his son to succeed him and sees his son berating an employee publicly. He tells his son I wear two hats--my 'father' hat and my 'boss' hat. Now I'm putting my 'boss' hat on and you're fired. Now I'm gonna put my 'father' hat on -- "Son you just lost your job--can I help you?")
The hardest thing a leader has to be ridiculously in charge of is himself or herself. Some leaders get results and some don't. Many times they begin to get results and then start a downward spiral they can't stop.
Very accomplished leaders get there, and if you're not there yet and you keep succeeding you will get there.
Leaders who are in charge of themselves think, feel and behave differently than those who spiral out.
Study took 2 groups--one group had applied to get hired and did great on the test and so they hired them. Then they also hired a group who did poorly on the test. Which team do you want--the smart guys or the idiots? In the field the 'dummies' blew them away with 53% higher sales. There was one other difference. The smart guys had another test to measure their thinking and they were shown to be pessimists. The ones who were not smart but were positive did better and they will every time.
The biggest factor of success is whether or not you believe it can be done.
All leaders believe it can happen when they start but then they get into a circumstance somewhere that makes them realize they are out of control of the circumstances and that begins to change their brain. This is called learned helplessness.
What happens to the brain when you find yourself not in control? The brain begins to change in predictable ways.
1) Personalize --brain says "I'm no good. I can't do this." (the dummies don't let it bother them. They don't take it personally)
--this can happen in childhood if you cannot gain approval
2) Pervasive--brain says "No one thinks I'm any good. My whole life sucks." Everything is bad.
3) Permanent -- brain says "It will always be this way." Once this happens, even the best performers can start to spiral.
We see David in the Bible going here. This can happen to any great leader. When everything gets negative, you don't even do the things you can do to stop the spiral.
But there is a way out-- Science and the Bible will agree in a place called reality.
To reverse the 3 "P"s
1) Log the thoughts and dispute them -- write down the negative thoughts. One man wrote down all the negative things he thought a client would say and 99% of them were false. You dispute those thoughts, if a believer, with Scripture. There's a difference between your brain and your mind. Your brain has nothing to do with reality. Write down the good things to prove that everything is not bad.
2) Control -- make two columns of lists-- one you can't control (obsess about it for only 5 minutes) and then make a list of what you CAN control. Everybody has control of something. There is always something you CAN do.
3) Connect--you fuel your brain on oxygen, glucose, and relationship -- you MUST connect. When you are connected you start to forget about whether you are good or bad and go solve problems. Experiment with monkeys--just by putting a 'buddy' in a stressed monkey's cage, the stress level dropped by 50%.
Connect and your brain will change. The first thing Jesus did with His team was put them in a room together and pray for unity.
A "can do" attitude is something that will give you confidence and "find a way" thinking. May God empower you to get there.
Posted by Kathy Schriefer at 1:08 PM