I Hate Failing

I don't think there's anything I fear and loathe more than failure.  Goodness knows I've had enough experience with it; you'd think I'd be desensitized by now.  Ironically, as I tried to begin typing this post I could not get the cursor in the right  spot.  After a solid seven minutes of failure somehow it worked.  In the meantime I was hating that 'it's not working right again' feeling.

I was so excited about finding a deal for 300 Beanie Babies on Craig's List yesterday for our Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes.  An Operation Christmas Child friend suggested I try there and I was praising God for the blessing.  

Today I went to pick up the animals and the young man loaded the three tubs into my car.  I had asked him previously if they had any odors and he assured me they didn't.  So he stuck the tubs in my van and I handed him the $75 cash.  I never looked inside the tubs.  I'm still trying to decide if this was trust, shyness, stupidity, or laziness.  They probably all play a part.

I'm sure, dear reader, you can see where this is headed.  When I got home and hauled the first tub out of the car I knew something was wrong.  It was too light to contain all Beanie Babies.  Sure enough--it had about 6 very large and filthy animals in it.

The other two containers did have Beanie Babies with the tags still on them--I counted 136 in all--but they all have an odor and will need to be washed.  I know they'll wash well and make some kids happy, but that brought the cost to more than 50 cents each.  

I was reading Matthew 10 this morning and verse 16 says "be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."  I think I had an epic fail on the shrewd part but maybe I at least got the innocent side down.

I'm telling myself maybe that young man needed the money more than I.  I'm telling myself this is a learning experience.  I'm telling myself it's no big deal.

But, did I mention, I really hate failing?

PS--ACK!  I just washed the first load of these and one of the animals had some sort of shiny material on it that disintegrated in the washer and left flakes on all the other animals which I now have to pick off.  Not fun!  And while I am working on picking off the flakes I'm thinking about all my other Operation Christmas Child failures--like why am I not making phone calls to recruit new team members and relay centers?  After working through a lesson on time management on the OCC Extranet last night I wonder--why am I spending my time picking flakes off stuffed animals?

Did I mention, I really hate failing?