(Here at the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit to learn some leadership tips for our Operation Christmas Child team)
Sheryl: Thank
you for having me.
Bill: What was
your first conscious memory that you might be a leader
Sheryl:
Probably way into my career.
My mom would say I worked it our with my little brother when I was 4 and
he was 2 that he would follow me around and I would say “Right, David?” and he
would reply “Right”
Bill: You
didn’t lead in high school or college?
Sheryl: I ran
for sophomore class president and won .
But as a girl growing up I was called ‘bossy’ and I don’t think women
are encouraged to be leaders.
Bill: If we
could get leaders to self-identify younger they would dive into leadership
Sheryl: That’s
right for both boys and girls but I think more important for girls. Say to the ‘bossy’ girl – she’s not
bossy; she has leadership skills.
We expect boys to lead but not girls but we need to change that.
Bill: At first
you went to Google and didn’t have a solid job description then went to
Facebook
Sheryl: I
wanted to work in technology because I thought it was changing the world. My
job offer at Google was to be the business unit general manager but there was
no business unit. I loved the
mission and felt it was going to grow. Someone told me when you’re offered a seat on a rocket
ship you don’t ask, ‘what seat’ you just jump on.
Bill: At Google
you were asked to hire 400 people.
You say ‘hire big’ -- what
does that mean?
S: We hire
people for experience and skills and they’re both important but skill is most
important. Hire people you
are GOING to need, not the people you need now. Make sure you hire people who
can get you there. If the person
is willing to take the job they will create the job.
B: Do you fire
fast?
S: It’s not
fair to fire without cause but there are times when infractions are made and
firing must happen
B: You’re known for candor
S: My mother is
a great communicator and taught us to mirror and be direct in
communication. I believe in being
direct
B: Another axiom of yours is to focus on results not face
time
S: Don’t reward
people for just being there; the results count. The goal is not to have face time but to get results. Set
ambitious goals and hit them. We
also make heroes of people who try hard and fail because we learn from
failure. We’ve given product of
the year awards to people who failed.
B: Most people
know you’re a phenomenal leader but when you started the “Lean In” movement
that requires a different set of skills.
You’re trying to move people to a cause. Where did the passion for this start.
S: When I
graduated from college in 1991 I saw bright women going into jobs nad thought
my generation would make things equal but women still only have 5% of the
Fortune 500 jobs and political jobs.
We would have a more equitable world if women got an equal seat at the
table as well as people of all races and backgrounds.
B: From a
strategic standpoint this was welling up in you. When did you have the aha moment that you would do
something. Was writing the first
strategy?
S: I first
studied the themes that hold women back.
No one else wanted to talk about it. I was invited to give a talk to 10 women about social media
but I gave this TED talk on the lack of women leaders. The most important thing that happened
was 33,000 learning circles of 8-10 people getting together to support each
other and it’s making a difference.
No one does anything alone.
You need support and a peer support that meets every month is a great way.
B: I fell this
book should be mandatory reading for men.
They think they problem isn’t as dramatic as it is and how they can
help. Probably 50 pages in your
book brought these things to my attention.
S: Equality is
actually good for the men—lower divorce rates, less depression in women,
etc. If you can work better with
half the population you are going to out-perform. We all laugh at the sexist jokes. We interrupt women more than men. We assign the office housework to planning parties to women
and that doesn’t get you promoted.
Men should do their share as well
B: One of the
anecdotes in the book I appreciated—
S: It was St.
Patrick’s Day and the volunteer at the door said to me, “He’s wearing
BLUE. He’s supposed to be wearing
GREEN.” I felt terrible the rest
of the day about this. I called my
husband and he said, “Our son in learning something important today. He’s learning he doesn’t have to be
like everyone else.” We expect
women to do things and applaud men if they just make any effort.
B: We struggle
to let women lead in our church and one section in your book made me
emotional. Would you read it.
S: (end of book)
The march toward equality continues…we owe it to the generations that
came before us and to those who come after us to make things more equal and
that will make it better for all of us.
I want my son and my daughter each to do what they want to do and are
respected and supported. When they
find where their truest passions lie I hope they both lean in—all the way.
B: You’re
working as an executive and go to Mexico on vacation….
S: We went on vacation to Mexico and my husband went to the
gym and died of a cardiac event.
The grief was overwhelming.
Eventually we wrote this book to help others
B: Let’s go back to right after his death. You use the word ‘incapacitated’ by a
paralyzing fog that was with you night and day. Did you turn to your faith, your work?
S: I turned to
everyone and everything and sometimes it helped and sometimes it didn’t. It’s not just about you but about all
the people around you. I turned to
my friends, to others’ experiences, I looked for God, for comfort in
tradition. People said it never
goes away but it gets better. I
want other people to believe that which is why we wrote “Option B”
B: Ways to get
through grief
S:
Personalization is a trap (It’s all my fault—blame ourselves for things
that are our fault and are not our fault but it is human to make mistakes)
Pervasiveness is a trap – feeling everything is terrible. Reminding myself my children are alive
helps—it could be worse. Need to
find good.
Permanence is a trap – doesn’t feel like it will ever go away
B: You started
using a word ‘resilience’
S: I started
asking if I had enough resilience.
Don’t ask me how much you have; ask me how you can build it.
B: You decided
to mark every moment of joy and find reasons to be grateful.
S: You know,
everyone has heard of PTSD. Who’s
heard of Post Traumatic Birth? You
learn from the bad experiences.
Joy is something you have to look for. Even four months later I knew I deserved joy. Adam told me, “If you don’t think you
deserve joy, your kids do.”
B: You became a
different kind of leader after these tragic life experiences. How has this shaped you as a leader?
S: I don’t ‘sweat
the small stuff’ as much. I
learned more about how to support others in times of stress and hardships. You can’t ignore those. When I went back to work all the
chit-chat stopped when I came around.
When we don’t say anything we don’t acknowledge the grief. I also realized you need to build
people back up. I thought before
my only job was to take the work off their shoulders and that is important but
it’s also important to remind them they can still work. As people come back to work I acknowledge
their grief but also their contributions.
B: What were
the worst things people said to you
S: You’re so
sad it’s hard to be around you. I
was sad and angry and it came out in ways that were hurtful. I needed friends who could be there
even when it was messy. I remember
my friend when I snapped at her saying, “I know. I’m angry, too.”
B: You turned
to friends in darkest hours. Why?
S. When things
happen like this you can’t get through yourself. Before Dave died I’d ask friends who were grieving, “What
can I do?” Now I realize that
doesn’t help. It’s better to show
up and do something specific. You
don’t have to be a best friend to show up. I’m way better at showing up for people since Dave died.
B: One some day
you start to wake up and experience joy
S: At first I
needed permission to feel joy. At
a Bar Mitzvah I danced and then burst into tears. I felt happiness for the first time in 4 months. Then I needed to figure out how to let
myself be happy, so at the end of the day I wrote down three moments of
joy. In writing those things I
went to bed noticing the joy. We
have to give ourselves and other people permission to be joyful.
B: Word association:
Vision
S: Mark (I work with someone with incredible
vision)
B: Leadership Development
S: Investment
(everyone can be a leader)
B: If a leader
wants to get better – how?
S: Real
feedback—get someone to tell you the truth. Make it easy for people to give you
feedback. Ask for feedback from
those who work for you.
B: Is it easier
for leadership development to be provided by the organization or by the
individual?
S: It’s always
both. We’ll get female leaders
when organization and individuals both believe in them. It’s never either/or
B: Thank you
for being here today. I’m a big
fan of yours.
S: Thank
you. I appreciate your focus on
leadership.
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