Weaning

"Spirit of God descend upon my heart. Wean it from earth; through all its pulses move." This hymn is stuck in my head these days and I've been thinking a lot about weaning.

I have three little grandsons who have all been weaned in the past few months. Each of them took a different route to that weaning and a different time schedule. Two of them did this pretty much on their own without a lot of fuss. Ah, but the other--he held on for a long time. He did not want to be weaned and it took some special tricks to get the job done.

I fear my heart is in that 'hard to wean' category. I cling so firmly to things of this earth--not so much to possessions but to achievement, to trying to earn my way to heaven (an impossibility, I know) and to my addiction for approval.  I've been praying about that and I think God may be answering my prayers in ways I don't even fully recognize.

Psalm 131:1-2 "O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me."

The notes in my ESV study Bible point out the psalmist is saying that like a weaned child is content to just be in his mother's presence the psalmist is content to just be with God even when there are things he wishes God would explain that he can't understand.

The psalmist says he doesn't occupy himself with what he can't figure out. He just rests in God's presence.

I guess babies and children who are not weaned often have an ulterior motive when snuggling into their mothers' chests. Just being near her mother makes her root around and look for the milk mommy can give her.

Am I like that with God? Am I always just looking for His provision and not His presence? That's a heavy thought but one I don't want to turn away from.

And I'm sensing another weaning that may be happening. One that makes me really uncomfortable because I hate change.  I mean, I've only lived in two houses my entire life--the one I grew up in and the one we've lived in for all of our 45 years of marriage. I've lived in the same community all my life. I've attended only two churches and it took a clear act of God to move me out of the first one after 56 years. And I've been doing this Operation Christmas Child ministry since 1995.

I always thought I would pack shoeboxes until I died. And maybe I will. But what if God has some other plan for me in His kingdom? Am I willing to trust Him and move on if He calls in a different direction?

"Spirit of God descend upon my heart. Wean it from earth; through all its pulses move."